Story telling

Today started out like many other days. I awoke washed my face, brushed my teeth And proceeded to head downstairs towards the kitchen. The weather outside was typical for July.. It was warm in the morning and blazing for the rest of the day. Work was definitely not on the agenda that day. This day is for me, to just be... I enjoy having Jay Days, it's a day where I spend just a lil bit more time on myself and my own personal needs. I always start my day off the same way. Call my mom just to check in an see how's the fam. I somehow knew that today, something was off. The phone rung exceptionally long, my min usually picks up after the second ring. It has been the tradition in our house always. So by ring four I was perplexed. She usually gets up ridiculously early and I have inherited the same gene. Finally she answers, "Morning Ma." I announce beaming away. Today was one of those happy just cause I'm alive days. " hey Jay we need to talk." she murmured I immediately knew something was off. My brain thought who died? Or is dying? Little did I know that as our conversation played out. There was a death that day and one I wasn't prepared for.....

Options....

This is my first entry... I am not so sure what to write, there are a few things filling my space that I'd like to get off my chest. So I hail from Brooklyn and I'm your usual driven Blk male who is trying his damndest to leave his footprint in the sands of time ( I know a cheap plug for a poem and a Beyonce song... Smdh) but that's me in a nutshell... Btw be on the look out for my denim line Blu Jay Jeans (yay) Approaching the soap box... Why does everything revert back too masculinity vs femininity. It's not a question but a statement. As a blk male growing up in the suburbs an attending predominantly white schools. I was always having to exert my masculinity even more. Why? It was expected because I was a black male. As my parents drilled in my head " you have to work harder, they expect less from you." I took those words and eternalized them. So I always tried extra hard and studied more ( it didn't help that my sister was a born genius) to prove that I was worth it, I deserved to be in these classes, to excel in sports. It's funny I look back now and I probably didn't need to work as hard, but hindsight is 20/20... I also reflect on alot of things I wanted to do but couldn't because it wasn't masculine enough. I have always enjoyed baking ( it was something my grandmother and I bonded over)It definitely wasn't something my parents or older male cousins thought as what " boys" should do. Did I mention I'm left-handed so I have always been in touch with my creative side. I receive immense pleasure when I create something whether it's food, clothes or art. During the 80's and 90's little boys, especially little black boys were not to be into those things. I loved jumping rope, not doubledutch.. Hahaha but I did like when it was whipping really fast and I had to keep up! loved those moments, the challenge of winning. Now that's a guy thing, making things competitive or challenging ( for no real reason but to push ourselves. Now what usually happens if you are a young black male and can be seen jumping rope, playing with a doll or any of those childhood activities that were only for "girls". You are labeled as Gay or homo even worst a fag. I pause while re-reading that last line. How many generations are we going to stifle because of our ignorance? You know we as blk people often complain we don't have enough representation in many areas. Yet I'm perplexed because we have not as a people ( not all blk ppl will this apply too, but it will save on the nasty emails! Hahaha) stop standing in OUR own way! How many designer? Chefs? Or even astronauts may have been shelved because of our silly hangup I don't have any children an I'm well into my twenties. Nor do I desire any at this present moment. I know for sure that I will encourage my son to jump rope, skip rocks, build tree forts and bake until his arms fall off! I will not stand in the way of his greatness... To be a parent is a gift, the gift you give your children is the chance to explore all their hearts desire. We produce athletes and rappers because it's masculine, it's what little boys are supposed to do. If my kid wants to play Polo or Rugby as a parent I'd be there supporting him ( lost, even after reading up on it) as the best hair stylist... I want my child to have every opportunity available, yup even the "girl ones"